Emergency Offerings: Jack Harlow announced a new album

If you haven’t noticed in 2026 Altar Boys is an every other week newsletter — previously there was no posting schedule — but something super newsworthy happened this week. Noted cinephile Jack Harlow announced his first album in three years. 

The new album is titled Monica and the album cover is a blurry photo of the white rapper turned away from the camera in such a way that his diamond stud catches the light just so. Eagle-eyed viewers might notice that Jack is sporting a brown cap cocked to the side. 

You might recall that in October Altar Boys noted, “Jack Harlow got a hat.” I’m here to report that he seemingly hasn’t taken off the hat since. Not only did it accompany him to men’s fashion week in Paris and The Marty Supreme premiere, but it’s featured in his Spotify profile picture. And it’s always without a doubt yanked to the side. You have to imagine it accompanied him on his film journey too.

Aside from its aggressive and perpetual placement atop his curls, he’s been drawing attention to the hat in other ways. At men’s fashion week in Milan, he said his favorite part of the Prada show was the hats, practically begging the interviewer to inquire about his own hat.

The hat in question is truly a unique shape. He left the other white boys in crisis to their newsboy caps and charted his own mocha-hued path forward. Like Marty Mauser’s orange ping pong ball, the brown cap is an original hat for an original guy. 

Upon careful research (the brand is quite prominently displayed on its “headband”), the hat is Kangol’s Cotton Twill Army Cap in brown. And Jack is certainly getting his $40 worth of that thing.

But enough about the damn hat. Monica is reportedly inspired by his move to New York City and was recorded at Electric Lady Studios where he hung out with the likes of Lorde and PinkPantheress. I’m predicting more of an R&B album from him with lots of references to his film education (and aging actresses) in his flows. Maybe a music video helmed by an up-and-coming movie director too?! A girl can dream.

Last year Matt Damon spent March 13 at Jack Harlow’s birthday dinner — which doubled as the shoot for the “Just Us” music video. We can only hope that this year he spends it streaming Monica.

FANFIC’S IMPACT Defector went deep on fanfiction’s impact on publishing in light of Heated Rivalry’s popularity. While the hockey romance didn’t originate as fanfiction it engages many of the hallmarks of fanfiction — emotional intensity, delayed gratification, gay erotica, etc. — and the author Rachel Reid posted one of her books as Captain American fanfiction to find an audience for it. Her agent often looks at fanfiction sites to find clients. 

The writer argues that fanfiction’s cultural impact is bigger than any normie can recognize, but more interestingly he reasons that fanfiction rivals MFA programs as a way to learn how to write and find a community of writers. He writes, “Fanworks and fan cultures are, frankly wondrous: engaged, constructive, tuition-free writing communities for writers at all levels! Massive archives that include works of serious ingenuity, talent, and feeling!” And fanfiction is writing for pleasure and fun, much like this newsletter.

BOY BANGS ARE IN reports GQ. The piece cites The Dare, Connor Storrie… and the haircuts of the cast of the Beatles biopic as evidence. According to a hairstylist for male indie sleaze stars, his clientele often arrive with a photo of Jacob Elordi that they are trying to emulate, adding fuel to my hypothesis that Jacob Elordi is the new Harry Styles of men’s fashion. 

The piece also included an overwrought description of an Altar Boy for good measure: “Rocker MJ Lenderman’s hair appears as though it hasn’t been cut in a year. His fringe creeps around his face, buttressing his brooding, disheveled genius-in-a-basement vibe.”

THE OLYMPIC CRUSH MACHINE IS BROKEN I admittedly have only been keeping only one eye on the Winter Olympics, but so far the only guys we’re talking about are Ilia Malinin, the quad god free skating’s Benson Boone, and the really messy and manipulative Norweigan biathlete. Hopefully in the next week we get a good, old-fashioned crush. 

THE BRITISH MUSICIAN URGE TO HELP SOMEONE WITH CAR TROUBLE On the heels of Harry Styles’ failed attempt to parallel park a fan’s car in Rome, The 1975’s Matty Healy successfully jump started a fan’s car in LA. Matty Healy: 1, Harry Styles: 0.

@sydneyjcutler

Literally moved here 4 months ago and moments like these keep happening #ilovela

INDULGENCES: MY ALTAR BOYS

Former Skins cast members, anyone Irish, British actors whose breakout role was “playing gay,” rappers from Kentucky, and men in Ocean’s Eleven (and their codependent best friends) are all fair game.

MJ LENDERMAN knows his audience. In a meeting of GQ-hype machine muses, the singer-songwriter appeared on The Adam Friedland Show with Geese’s Cameron Winter in attendance. In the interview he reflected on his past as an … ALTAR BOY. He referred to himself as “one of the best altar bearers of all time” — oh, I’m sure! But he admitted he once brought the cross up sideways. 

Other fun tidbits from the interview: He decided to go by MJ Lenderman because he thought Jake Lenderman “sounded like a jock.” He was “the Eminem kid at school” — he even had the rapper as his iPod background. His license says he’s 5’11. As always, I appreciate his awkward honesty. 

Speaking of CAMERON WINTER, Geese appeared on NPR’s Tiny Desk Concerts. If MJ LENDERMAN and MK.GEE are Altar Boys, I’m legally obligated to include Cameron Winter too. It’s only fair to the future of white boys who play guitar and write haunting lyrics.

Maisie Peters’ “My Regards” music video, is the correct use of BENNYDRAMA7 — he can finally add video vixen as one of his many multihypenates. 

JOE KEERY co-wrote “Funny Mouth” on Charli XCX’s new album Wuthering Heights. As Charli astutely said, “it’s djorli baby.”