Offerings #14: Practicing empathy at the MJ Lenderman Concert

Some people arrive early to a concert to watch the opener and as of last Thursday night I am no longer one of those people. Bored with the opener for MJ Lenderman and The Wind at Kings Theater and curious about the crowd, Natasha and I decided to explore the venue. 

Sometimes when you really like someone’s art it’s hard to imagine anyone else connecting with it, let alone a bunch of boys in Brooklyn. But those guys are MJ Lenderman’s target audience. I mean his best song has the lyric, “Draining cum from hotel showers / Hoping for the hours to pass a little faster” and he sings a lot about sports. I didn’t even know that was possible. The last time Natasha saw him play, boys filled the venue.

So we climbed up the two flights of carpeted stairs and stood at the balcony watching the flow of people arrive.

What we saw up there was amazing. We could have been in any city in America. It could have been 2017 — if only MJ Lenderman had drawn a crowd back then. What I mean is no one looked cool. There were a lot of baseball caps, beanies, and flannels and everyone opted for a sensible shoe. 

The lack of confidence in the way people milled about was extraordinary — something I didn’t notice until a whole 20 minutes passed before I saw my first assured stride (he had a girlfriend). It was a room full of Brian Krakows with not a Jordan Catalano in sight. 

It was mostly male friend groups with no more than four members with a sprinkling of guys with their girlfriends, and some queer-leaning girl groups. The increased female presence at his show felt like a good sign. You’re not successful until you have girl fans, I’ve always said this. 

MJ Lenderman’s fans took their time looking at the merch available. They circled the stand. They doubled back. They stood in small clusters discussing the options. And then of course they waited in line and forked over their hard earned money to wear his name across their chests. 

A short guy in a green beanie separated from his friends and returned to the merch stand to ask several questions about an item. He stood in line with slumped shoulders and purchased a white tee shirt that he immediately shoved in his back pocket. 

I wondered aloud about what would possess someone to buy a piece of merch and immediately hide it, which reminded me of something I overheard on the L train two weeks ago. A guy carrying a table and chairs told another guy, a stranger, that he spends 8 hours a day practicing empathy in Washington Square Park by listening to people talk at him and has spent his life doing that for three years. He thinks he’s become “a lot more empathetic.”

Other people, especially those who make their presence known on the subway, really confuse me. All he had to do was love something!

Anyway, the show was so moving. I’m a lyrics listener and new refrains jumped out at me. I kept looking at Natasha clutching my chest with wide eyes that said, “can you believe that heartbreaking thing he just sang?!” I even teared up a little hearing him perform, “You Don’t Know The Shape I’m In.” I bet the boys in their tee shirts’ eyes got a little damp too.

I WENT TO THIS FOR ATTENTION: I attended a night of readings in promotion of Lukas Gage’s memoir, I Wrote This For Attention, at the largest Burger King in New York City alone, behavior that raised alarm among my friends. He didn’t read from the book, but instead read some writing by The Real Housewives. 

I sat at a table of Real Housewife superfans — unbeknown to me one of the readers was Real Housewife of New York Carole Radziwill — they asked why I cared about Lukas Gage, a question that stunned me. Sometimes you see a guy onscreen when you are 19 and you have to compulsively follow his career. But I couldn’t reveal that, so instead I said he was “interesting.” 

I stand by my reply! He’s built a following out through his honesty about being a working actor which is on full display in his latest interview in Vulture.

INDULGENCES: MY ALTAR BOYS

Former Skins cast members, anyone Irish, British actors whose breakout role was “playing gay,” rappers from Kentucky, and men in Ocean’s Eleven (and their codependent best friends) are all fair game.

JACK HARLOW confirmed @missionaryjack is his Letterboxd account in Vanity Fair and he only gained 200 followers. Altar Boys readers have known this is his account from day one.

He also got a new hat.

JACOB ELORDI will do anything Romy Mars asks him to do. Following their friendship via TikTok is one of the great gifts of 2025. 

@ellemagazine

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HARRIS DICKINSON’s directorial debut, Urchin, is very good and shows off his big, beautiful heart.