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- Offerings #11: We're so back?
Altar Boys is back from summer vacation and there’s so much to catch up on.
I spent the summer checking in on Jack Harlow’s Letterboxd, reminding myself what a Muse is by listening to Taylor Swift’s songs about Joe Alwyn, expanding Altar Boys’ cannon — more on that soon — and hanging out with my friends, sometimes all at the same time!
I wanted this to be an Altar Boys exclusive, but LinkedIn got the news first: after three months at My New Job, I got laid off, so you can expect a lot more posts in the coming weeks and months. Luckily, Josh O’Connor sensed my time of crisis and hit the press circuit — I’m sure it has nothing to do with History of Sound, The Mastermind, Rebuilding, and Wake Up Dead Man coming out this fall.
In the past week, Josh cuddled on camera with a puppy named Cloud, blabbered on about his love of Jolly Ranchers chews, received rave reviews, and pledged to boycott Israeli film institutions — along with 3,900 film industry colleagues. But as someone in desperate need of a pick me up, Josh and Paul Mescal lying to each other for Entertainment Weekly takes the cake. If you want to spend 18 minutes with giggling, grown men with perfect noses, do I have the video for you!
CELEBRITIES SELLING SEX RAMPED UP IN A BIG WAY: Two Altar Boys, Harry Styles and Tom Blythe are at the scene of this crime.
In July, Harry Styles’ brand Pleasing launched sex toys. The industry consensus seems to be that Harry just slaps his name on Pleasing and isn’t involved in the brand in a meaningful way. However, the move gives fans license to sexualize him in a new way. Harry isn’t the only one, this summer also saw Sydney Sweeney sell her bathwater in partnership with Dr. Squash.
At the same time, the celebrity-voiced audio erotica is plugging away. Tom Blythe joined the likes of Andrew Scott and Jamie Campell Bower in voicing erotic stories for Quinn. I predict Leo Woodall will be next, seems like a good gig for him. Chase and I went deep on the trend for Mashable last year. You can read it here.
It seems like we’ve entered an even more dystopian phase of celebrity where our attraction to celebrities is commodified in an explicit and frankly unsexy way.
SPEAKING OF CELEBRITIES SELLING THINGS: I read every word of The Cut’s exposé of Selena Gomez’s mental health startup Wondermind.
ANOTHER PLASTIC SURGERY TREND MAKING ME SAD: The Cut dove into the new advanced style of face lift popularized by celebrities like Kris Jenner, Brad Pitt, and Lindsey Lohan. The writer dubs it the “forever 35” face that leaves the age of patients undeterminable. The piece includes before and after shots of patients that are honestly so radicalizing. I am afraid of never seeing any naturally aging faces in the public eye again.
IS AUSTIN BUTLER GEN Z’S BRAD PITT? Note how Austin Butler isn’t an Altar Boy and never will be.
My brilliant friend Anagha first pointed out Austin Butler’s spiritual resemblance to Brad Pitt and then it was echoed in The Ringer’s Big Picture podcast. Host Amanda Dobbins grounds the comparison by saying, “Brad Pitt is a character actor in a leading man’s body.” The same can be said for Butler who shined most as Feyd-Autha Harkonnen in Dune: Part Two — aside from when he “went swimming” in The Carrie Diaries, sorry I was 13!
I don’t think Butler’s likeness to Pitt ends with their strengths as actors. There’s something about the put-on charm of Butler that’s reminiscent of Pitt in his later years. Maybe this whole time Butler wasn’t putting on an Elvis voice, but imitating Pitt…
I’ll add in here that Butler was subjected to Subway Takes in which he misunderstood the prompt and gave a seriously bizarre answer: “I don’t think it’s fair that I’ve never been invited to a bachelor party.” OK.
INDULGENCES: MY ALTAR BOYS
Former Skins cast members, anyone Irish, British actors whose breakout role was “playing gay,” rappers from Kentucky, and men in Ocean’s Eleven (and their codependent best friends) are all fair game. |
JACOB ELORDI starred in a recent Romy Mars TikTok. Suffice to say, it’s his most compelling performance to date.
The unnaturally tall star is usually reserved, but has been proving that big body contains a whole lot of personality as he begins to promote Frankenstein — perhaps he’s leaning into the Timothée Chalamet method. I’ll leave you with a TikTok comment about his recent turn: “He’s such a vibe with fans lately love how kind he is.”
HARRY STYLES haunted New York City for a brief period — even Brooklyn. I’m happy to report he was spotted at Newark airport yesterday, so the five boroughs can rest easy tonight knowing they won’t be confronted with a formative, life-altering crush while running errands or relaxing at McCarren Park.
JULIO TORRES charmed me with his Color Theories show. He’s so creative and weird. Every time I watch something he created I feel so lucky to get to encounter his brain! I recommend all of Altar Boys’ New York readers go see it. You’ll thank me later!
DYLAN O’BRIEN’s performance in Twinless “confirms the former teen heartthrob as a major talent,” per IndieWire. Altar Boys’ taste is vindicated once again.
Thank you for reading! This is kind of all I’m doing right now, so please get your men-obsessed friends to subscribe!
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